


He'd Know

by madeofbees



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s15e01, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Surrender Benson, post-ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 22:03:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4116448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madeofbees/pseuds/madeofbees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the way to Brian's apartment after he and Olivia leave the precinct following Surrender Benson, Olivia has a better idea. Someone else, there's someone else she'd rather be with. The person she knows, the person she trusts, the one she taunted Lewis with.</p>
<p>"He wouldn't question himself after what you've done."</p>
            </blockquote>





	He'd Know

The car was silent. The sounds of the city, the engine, Brian’s breathing; they were there, but in the back of her mind, like on the rare Sunday morning when she could sleep in and the roar of traffic was reduced to a half-heard distant hum.

This was wrong. She didn’t want to be here.

“Stop.”

Brian glanced at her. “Stop what?”

“Driving. Stop driving.” The thing was boiling up in her again, the thing that was there when she was handcuffed, tied up, the duct taped wrapped around her legs. She could feel it biting into her, wrapping tighter and tighter, and she grabbed the door handle. “Pull over, stop driving.”

Brian did, swerving and almost riding up on the curb. Olivia threw the car door open and swung herself so that her feet were on the sidewalk, head between her legs, gasping for breath. It wasn’t quiet anymore, blood rushing through her ears like a hurricane, blocking out everything else.

She reached out behind herself, back into the car, barely aware of what she was doing. “Phone, my phone was destroyed, I need your phone.”

“Yeah, sure.”

The phone was pressed into her hand, and she dialed the number the same way her heart knew how to beat.

There was a moment of silence after the ringing stopped and before he spoke.

“Olivia.”

She sighed, and all the stale air that still tasted like Lewis was gone. She didn’t know what to say, hadn’t gotten past the overwhelming urge that calling him was the only thing that would help.

“I heard, at least what they said on the news. I wanted to call, but I didn’t know—”

“I told him about you,” she interrupted. “What you’d do to him. You’d kick his teeth in, break your legs, break your arms, break your back, break your face…”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it,” Elliot replied, and Olivia laughed, half-sobbing. “I can find the hospital he’s at, get his room number.”

“I didn’t call for a revenge beating,” she said. “But thanks for the offer.”

More silence. Everything centered on the voice on the other end of the phone.

“Why did you call?”

Olivia didn’t answer. She didn’t know.

“Where are you? A hotel?”

“With Brian, he’s taking me to his place. I didn’t want to go to a hotel.” For the first time, she wondered what this conversation must sound like to Brian, but she blocked it out. He’d understand. Or he wouldn’t, but she couldn’t think about it now.

“Right, Cassidy. I heard about that.”

“Don’t start.” She pushed the rest down: _then talk to me about how you moved out, again, and how you didn’t tell me_.

“I wasn’t starting anything,” he replied, amused, and maybe like he had been starting. “What can I do?”

_I don’t know_ , she thought, and didn’t say. It was too much like being out of control, too much like being chained to the bed.

Too much like standing over Lewis with a gun. But not the iron bed rod, she’d known then.

“Do you want me to meet you there?” Elliot asked. “At Cassidy’s?”

“Can I come over?” she blurted out. It wasn’t like asking to go to Brian’s, the quiet and scared question she’d barely managed. It was a demand and it was terror and it was fury.

“Uh—yeah, of course.” There was a split second of silence. “Do you have my address?”

God. He’d never asked that before, not even at the beginning. Her head spun with all the years since he’d left.

“No. Yeah, I mean, it’s somewhere, but I don’t—”

“Give me the phone,” Brian said. Olivia jumped, reaching for the gun she didn’t have before remembering that she wasn’t alone, that it was Brian Cassidy, that she was safe. He gave her a sad, resigned smile. “Liv, let me talk to him. I’ll get the address, directions. Don’t worry about it.”

“Oh, I—yeah, okay.” She turned her attention back to Elliot. “I’m gonna hand you over to Brian. I’m not thinking clearly, I’d forget before I could put it in the GPS.”

“No problem,” he said easily, and she’d heard it a thousand times, when she asked for an extra shot in her morning coffee or for him to go to Warner’s without her so she could stay with the suspect, or when she thanked him—time and time again—for saving her life. “You’re okay, Liv. We got you.”

Olivia laughed brokenly. “Yeah. Course you do.” And passed the phone to Brian.

She leaned back in her seat, closing the door and locking it. Her eyes slipped shut and she wanted to force them open, to be aware of her surroundings, but she didn’t have the energy. She almost didn’t care, and only academically did she understand how that was possible after having fought so hard for her life. Besides, Brian was with her. She wasn’t alone. He wasn’t pulling a double shift. He was right there, right next to her, and she was safe.

_So why are you going to Elliot’s?_ a voice in the back of her mind asked, and she didn’t have an answer.

She was vaguely aware of Brian hanging up and the car pulling back into the road, but she didn’t look at him, didn’t offer any sort of explanation. She knew Brian would be hurt, and that he’d be too macho to admit it, and she didn’t want to deal with it. She couldn’t feel guilty, not now, not about anything or it would be everything, and she couldn’t. Instead, she let herself be lulled into the rhythm of the car and while she didn’t sleep, she felt herself slip away to somewhere where none of this had happened.

The car stopped, and Olivia opened her eyes. They were in a nice neighborhood, nothing fancy but not the slums where Elliot lived the last time he’d been kicked out. It was a house, for one thing, small and neat, set in a small and neat lawn. Light shone through one of the front windows, and the porch light burned brightly.

“Do you want me to walk you up?” Brian asked and yes, there was well-concealed bitterness beneath genuine kindness and concern.

“No, I’m okay.” Olivia paused, not sure what to say. “Thank you,” she settled on, which wasn’t enough.

“Of course,” he said, and the undercurrent was gone. Maybe she’d imagined it. “Do you want me to bring you an overnight bag, or…?”

“No, that’s not be necessary. Cragen said he’d talk to CSU, try to get some of my things back.” She laughed again, hollowly. None of her laughs sounded like herself tonight. “You couldn’t even if you wanted to.”

“Aw, come on, Liv, you think I don’t know my way around some yellow tape?” He smiled cautiously, and she returned it.

“Still. I’m fine.”

“Alright. Call if you need me.” She had her hand on the door handle when he asked, “Do I need to be worried?”

Olivia sighed, and was surprised to hear how angry it sounded. “No,” she said tightly, and got out of the car. Then she turned back, bending over to make eye contact. “Really, Bri? Tonight? You want to ask me that tonight? Interrogate me? In case you couldn’t tell, I’m barely holding myself together here, and—”

Brian raised his hands, backing up. “I wasn’t interrogating you, Liv, I just—”

“Sure you weren’t,” she said, and slammed the car door.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I make no promises; my life is hectic, my health is horrible, and my wife is moving here in a week and a half. I don't know if I'll have time to update. I don't know if this is romance or friendship. I don't know anything except that I _needed_ Elliot to be involved and he _wasn't_ , not even _after_ , and I had to fix it.
> 
> I like Brian, just so you all know. No matter what happens in the story, there will be no bashing and no bias on my part.


End file.
